Wednesday, September 18, 2013

I Wish There Was a Bourgeois Train

I really do wish there was a Bourgeois Train in NY.  I'd call it "Diva Railways."

Here's why:

1. Chivalry is dead in the New York subway system.  Men don't give up seats for women.  Old people are lucky to get a seat if they hover over an adult for long enough.  Children?  Oh, heck no!  They don't have jobs.  They can stand up.  And don't be a woman with a stroller expecting a seat.  You can hold on to Fisher Price.  You'll be just fine.

2. Trying to pretend like you didn't just almost fall (AGAIN) gets old quick.

3. Searching for a seat that is a) available b) not covered w/ crumbs, stains or worse c) not near a shady looking person and d) not in a corner where someone is going to try to rob me makes me tired.

4. I'm tired of people asking me for money.  Not just asking for money.  But telling the story of how their kids are starving, their wife is sick, they are living out of a shoe under rock in the park.  I really want to help.  But, there's NO WAY to tell if some of these people are scamming you.  Plus, it's illegal to panhandle in the subway.  So, the whole scenario stresses me out.

5. People judge you when you do give what you can to those who are asking.  One day, a man was asking for some help to get some food.  I couldn't give money.  But I did have a new bag of chips that I gave to him.  Then, these 2 jerk guys who were too old to act like children started making fun of me for giving him food.  I almost lost it I was so mad.  But Jesus can restrain your tongue.  Won't He will?!

6.  People (with varying levels of talent) perform in the stations and on the train and then expect you to give them me for glancing in their direction.  Excuse me?  Did I buy a ticket to the 1 man show featuring you playing the bass dram, the keyboard, a violin and a harmonica at the same time while tap dancing?  Did I ask you to show me how you can jump, flip and moonwalk from pole to pole on this train to beat of "Jenny From the Block"?  No!  I was just trying to read my book!!!
 

7.  Germs, germs and more opportunities for germs.  Need I say more?


So....Diva Railways (hereafter referred to as "the DR") would employ cleaning ladies (or men - we're an equal opportunity employer) to go thru each car all day long and disinfect.  The DR will have bouncers with the authority to eject riders who ask for money.  [NOTE:  The organization will donate generously to charity organizations, though.]  The bouncers would also enforced "Raised in the South (racism aside)" rules, where women, children and the elderly have seating priority.  Finally, artists would need to audition to perform in the station.

Yes, the tickets would cost a little more.  But I'd pay it.  It's the cost/value of comfort.  Until then, I'll make due w/ this: