In about 3 hours (on the East Coast) and 6 hours (on the West), I turn the big three oh...30 years old. Man! Grown ups are 30! Your early 20s suck because you're learning most things the hard way. Your late twenties are fun as you learn who you are and flex your independence. And, I hear your thirties are the best years of your life! I'm looking forward to finding out if that's true.
Anyways...as I approach my 30th birthday, I'm feeling like a true adult. Here are some things I'm learning or have learned about the adult me:
- I'm an introvert - I love you all. But, I get my energy from being alone.
- I enjoy traveling alone (probably because I'm an introvert).
- Jewelry makes me happy.
- Food makes me happier.
- Sweets make me happiest.
- My body is changing and I can't eat all of the food and sweets that I want anymore. I should probably start working out too. But, I can still buy jewelry! :-)
- Being a good aunt and god mother is important to me.
- I love hard and I have a hard time letting go of people I love even when I know I need to.
- Although, I've learned to tame it (somewhat), I can be a jerk when I want to be.
- I love kids. But, thinking about pushing one out of me (or one being pulled from me) makes me wanna pass.
- Turning 30 doesn't freak me out. I'm actually really looking forward to what my thirties will bring.
Happy Dionna Day Eve! Tomorrow, we begin the best month of the year - my birthday month!
A few years ago, I met a guy. Let's call him Ronald. Ronald was funny, young at heart, athletic, and loved kids. He was competitive, knowledgeable about music and loved Jesus. All good stuff, right? If you know me, it's safe to say that he was definitely my type. After spending time w/ him at a few group events, I knew that I liked Ronald. He liked me too. We only hung out w/ groups of people and I'm sure we were annoying as heck. You know - private conversations, inside jokes, grinning the whole time we were together, teasing each other. Looking back, I feel sorry for our friends.
Outside of hanging out in person, we sent each other messages on Facebook. I don't even know how it started. But, every few days I'd get a message from Ronald and it was the best feeling. In these messages we talked about our favorite things, what was going on in our lives, we shared fun facts and jokes and songs that we liked. It was fun and gave me something to look forward to.
After a couple of months of this, we finally had The Conversation on a gray day in November. Ronald invited me to hang out w/ him 1 on 1. OMG! OMG! OMG! What do I wear? Is this a date? Hmm...I should just dress up some jeans. What are we gonna do? Should I free up the whole day for him? I should come up w/ some topics to talk about in case there's a lull in the conversation. Should I plan to pay for myself? Maybe I'll do the thing where you go for your wallet and see if he stops me.....I'm a female. This question and idea parade could go on forever.
We meet up and go to lunch. We have some laughs on the car ride and share details of our life stories over Mexico food. It's going great! Then we have The Talk.
Him: I like you.
Me: I like you.
Him: I was in a relationship not long ago and it didn't end well.
Me: I'm sorry to hear that.
Him: I think I'd like to be in a relationship with you. But I want to take some time to pray about it and make sure I'm in a good place to begin something new.
Me: That makes sense. Is there anything you need from me?
Him: Yes. I need some time and space to pray and get counsel without any distractions.
Me: Ok. How long?
Him: I'm not sure. Maybe a month?
Me: Well, I won't wait forever.
Him: No. No. And you shouldn't. But, let's regroup in January.
OOOOkay...this kinda sucks. But, it's not the end of the world. And I could use some time to evaluate things too, make sure I'm ready for a relationship.
So, we stopped talking, stopped texting and stopped sending messages over Facebook. But, of course, I thought about him all the time. And I was excited about the possibility of starting a new year in a new relationship.
The new year started. No call. A week into the new year? No call. Mid-January. No call. I started to get nervous. End of January. Nothing. Of course, I didn't call him because he's the one that needed time to think. Plus, I'm not desperate. :-)
February sneaks up. I get sick (not related...I don't think) and I'm at home laying on the couch. My phone rings and it's Ronald! We started off w/ awkward small talk (happy new year...me being sick...blah, blah, blah). Then, he went on to apologize for not calling me sooner and explained that he didn't know how to tell me.
"Tell me what?" you ask? He didn't know how to tell me that he had met someone that a freind of his introduced him to and that he'd decided to date her.
OUCH!
Why did I tell that horrible story? I told it because it was a pivotal point in my life. I learned that sometimes, no matter how much you hope and no matter how excited you get, things don't always work out the way you want them to. I learned that sometimes you are rejected and you don't get to know why right away. Sometimes things just aren't right even though they look perfect to you.
One day, maybe I'll be able to say, "THAT'S WHY THAT HAPPENED THE WAY IT DID!" Maybe an amazing song will come out of it. Maybe it will change your life. In the meantime, I'll wait and try not to over analyze it....too much.
Oh! And yes, Ronald and home girl are still together. :-)
